I sit at the cold, uncomfortable seats of the Emergency Resuscitation Ward as I wait for the doctors to update me of my father’s situation. I lost count of how many stretchers were pushed before me and the sirens of the ambulance formed the background music in the quiet hospital ward.
There were many other anxious faces like myself seated across the long rows of chairs and some sobbed quietly at a corner— fearing for the lives of their loved ones, death at the overhang.
This morning, dad literally blacked out and we had to call for the ambulance. As dad laid feebly in my arms, dad teared and my sister bawled her eyes out. “You cannot go, daddy. Don’t give up, we will fight cancer together,” she repeated, in bouts of tears while the reality of losing my dad set in. At that moment, dad’s tears felt like tears of sadness… it was a quiet acknowledgment on his part that he was losing us, and I’m sure there were regrets that were unspoken. Honestly, I didn’t know what else to do except to pray because besides divine intervention, I don’t know what else to do— dad was slipping out of consciousness and truly, I kid you not, dad regained consciousness after the short prayer. Although he’s not out of the woods yet, I think this little light on the step I’m on, is sufficient for now.
“Your father’s heartbeat is low, we need to monitor him further at the resuscitation ward.” Yet, as I await, there’s a sense of peace that guards my heart. “Your father has stage 4C cancer.” Yet my soul knows very well that God has the final say. I declared that when he blacked out just now because other than prayers and declaration, I don’t know how else to make things better for him but that episode of miracle gave me hope.
“We need to do further scans on him.” I nodded my head blankly and told the doctor, “Can you give me some hope?” He smiled at me and said kindly, “he’s out of high dependency, for now.” Since December, dad has had CT scans, scopes and MRI scans on almost every part of his body. I cannot imagine the discomfort he has to go through. His once muscled arm is now a frail wrinkly one, one that can barely hold himself today. But hope is really a powerful weapon, with it comes the faith to be alive and stay alive.
The truth is, I know my dad is suffering too, he’s experiencing pain and all these follow-ups at the hospital is frustrating him too. And the one who is suffering is not just Daddy. Mom—the caregiver, sis—the child my dad loves most, tear up whenever we talk about his suffering. They, too, are afraid of losing dad and seeing him suffer. But in order for him to get better, he has to undergo these treatment and care. As his child, I can only hope to preserve his life and treat the cancer and alleviate the pain for him. He is way too young to leave before his time.
I wished I knew he had cancer and have him treated earlier but retrospection is lame to me— could have, should have, oughta have—are words that have no meaning nor positive outcomes now. The tears have been shed but now I need to stay composed and help my dad fight cancer head on.
One thing I know for sure— cancer doesn’t choose her victims. It can happen to the best of us. The best thing to do in the face of pain—is to treat it fast so that it can be nipped in the bud. If left untreated, it can manifest and spread to other organs. Many older folks refuse to go for check ups for fear of finding out. Fact check: if it’s there, it’s better to find out that you have cancer earlier than later. The lower the staging, the more treatable it is.
I hope my father’s situation can help someone today who is suspects he/she may have cancer. Check it, don’t wait until it’s too late. Ignorance is NOT bliss.
No. This is not a post on financial planning, this is a post on Critical illness awareness, treatment process and caregiver’s thoughts. This is an article that I wrote while sitting outside the emergency ward, praying that there will truly be light at the end of the tunnel. This is an article for anyone who is a caregiver or a child of someone battling cancer and losing hope— Don’t. Continue to hope— only then can you continue living your best life from today.
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